Break the Yes Cycle

In a previous blog, I wrote about NO being the most important word you could learn to use.  I fully stand behind everything I wrote, but it blows me away how freaking difficult it is to break the habit of saying yes. For me it’s been something I have to consciously practice in phases, slowly learning how to say no, becoming braver about using the words, becoming almost cocky in my proficiency at consciously choosing how I spend my time. 

That is until I backslide. Inevitably just when I stop consciously practicing, something I didn’t want to say no to exits my world and fear starts to creep in rearing its ugly self-doubting head. 

It doesn’t matter if it’s a fear of failing, or letting someone down or of non-abundance in my life.  The same reaction always ensues. I start saying yes again, to everything; and before I know it my schedule is full of stuff I don’t want to be doing. 

Until I remember again and restart the journey toward no. 

As a recovering perfectionist, its easy to get really down on myself about the lack of continued progress in this area. It’s even easier to mask what I’ve learned about the power of making space in your world, and live under the illusion that I really can DO IT ALL. 

And because I come from a field where the impossible was expected to be delivered every day, it’s easy to see why I expect myself to be able to squeeze in client calls, yoga, workouts, writing, client meetings, business building, social media, blogging, a social life, my husband, my dog, me time…. And on the list goes. 

Honestly, it’s utterly maddening.   And it’s time for it to stop.

 It’s time for it to stop because these lists of all my todos loom over my head everyday. And because I pressure myself to do more, better, faster, I become less effective and more lost.

 And I know I’m not alone. 

Last week I was listening to Tiffany Han’s podcast, “The Myth of Time Management,” where her riff about the power of white space and saying no totally hit home. 

We try to over do more, do more, do more, do more…. Until there is no choice but for us to break.  It’s the push to consistently over deliver, to never disappoint or let anyone down that keeps us from saying no, that keeps us glued to things we should be letting go of. But, “it’s not sustainable, it’s not something that equals a happy or fulfilling life.” –  Tiffany Han 

Here’s the thing, I want to live a really happy and fulfilling life.  And I know you do to. And because you’re connected with me, I know that you are a vibrant, highly passionate, connected adventurer who truly enjoys having a lot of experiences.  Who loves the thrill of accomplishing the impossible. Who regularly races from activity to activity- content with the fullness of your schedule. I know it feels natural to you.

 I also know whether it’s sooner or later, Tiffany is right, eventually you’ll break from the sheer weight of doing.  You’ll start to question if all the busyness and doing is bringing you any closer to happiness and fulfillment. And if you decide it’s not, you’ll embark on the journey toward No. 

And you’ll find that while the front side of no can sometimes be terrifying, on the backside there is only freedom.  Freedom to be at peace, freedom to spend more time being, freedom to be happy and fulfilled. 

It’s freedom that is worth breaking the cycle for and worth facing the fears that surround it. 

Go get it!