Which version of you do you want to be?
One of my teachers, Jillian Pransky, frequently says, “Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.”
I’ve been thinking this statement a lot lately, particularly because I’ve been experiencing this in my own body. Over the last month I’ve regularly felt a bit squirrely. I’ve had difficulty concentrating, felt pretty scattered and in general found that getting stuff done felt flat out harder than it should.
Typically, I’d fight these feelings and just keep pushing. But in a few honest moments, I realized they were signs that I was in desperate need of a break.
On the particular day that Jillian’s quote came into my head, my break of choice was a few minutes rolling out my upper back on my Yoga Tune-Up balls. Within 60 seconds of criss-crossing the knots in my shoulders, I literally felt like a different person. As if a dark thundering storm suddenly stopped and the clouds parted to a bright blue sky, I too was suddenly flooded with mental clarity and space. Floored by how immediate the change was, I began contemplating the impact of tension not on my body, but on my ability to show up in life.
“Tension is who you think you should be.”
Culturally it’s normal to be stressed. I would actually say it’s expected.
Tell someone you are happy and at peace, and they’ll probably think you are lazy, stoned or a complete weirdo. If you’re like me, you say you are striving for balance, but then you turn around and push yourself to get even more done. Slowing down and surrendering do not come easily to me. I white knuckle tension.
This was pointed out to me before I left for my retreat, when I promised a teammate that I wouldn’t work while gone. I believe I said, “I would be ruthless about relaxing.” She pointed out that my choice of words were anything but relaxed.Through my exploration this last month, I’ve started to understand the toll that this attachment is taking on me, and all of the ways it’s preventing me from achieving my goals and from just enjoying life more.
“Relaxation is who you (REALLY) are.”
Even though I was in Mexico for work, I had pledged to unplug, so relax I did. Frankly, between laying on the beach and swimming in the ocean I had no choice but to chill out.
For six days I felt myself slip farther and farther into a deep state of relaxation. I watched all of my normal pushing tendencies melt away. My pace became languid. I let myself go with the flow. (side note: I never do that.)I was relaxed as I’ve ever been.
Or so I thought. On my last day in Tulum, I saw a shaman. He didn’t speak much English, but he knew enough to tell me how much stress I was holding in my body. And how this tension was weighing me down with worries about the past and fears about the future. In short the tension I hold in my body is keeping me from seeing and living as my true self.
At the end of the session, I made a commitment that I am now sharing with you.
I choose to start recognizing when I am tense – and to recognize my body’s wisdom.
I choose to stop believing some level of tension is normal.
I choose to relax more so that I can just be me.
I choose to let go of the idea that I have to push harder, and instead be willing to explore and open up to life as it comes my way.
I choose to invoke relaxation by any means necessary, every single day.
So my question for you is – are you identifying with the tense version of you, or the relaxed version of you?